Channelling Martin Amis-A Review and Rant on reading "The Second Plane" (2008)

Now Mr Amis and I go a long way back. Him as a writer an' me as the reader. I have had great shouting' matches with his post modernist novels. Admiring his cleverness with words and going' apoplectic, left yammering when he hits the straps of clever clogs, smug bastardy. I've hoyed more Martin Amis books than any other writer over a long and varied reading history that started as a bairn with The Dandy, Jules Verne and Charles Dickens-alreet, and the librarian's all time favourite, Enid Blyton. So, "London Fields" into the wall-yer a big southern softie! "Time's Arra" sent into orbit over Auckland. "Yella Dog"-binned and then buried under concrete. And on it goes..."Experience" I just wanted to chew me knackers off in rage. "Koba the Dread" borstal of the undead followed by six losses in a row by the Toon. Not only doos he seem to have swallowed both volumes of yon biggest, buggeriest Oxford Dictionary but he's quite capable, like the dog with the homework, of spitting up big chunks of it when an occasion presents to show off.

Afta too mooch exposure ta Amisism 

So it goes, but always I was left with an itch that he wasn't joost toking the piss, mabe I was missing' out on summat. That the sneaky wee twat might have summat useful to say-I was just too unwashed in-between me lugs to get it in one bite of me sandwich.

Then there was the Amis/Hitchens marriage. I have a lot of time for the scribblings of the late Mr Hitchens his ability to scrutinise and analyse a topic and provoke thought in the reader. The times I've found meself scratching me head and rubbing me bum muttering "who'd ave thought eh!" Unravelling a Hitchens gem like an old fashioned toffee where all the pleasure is on the sucking. I do not always agree, but then sum of me fiercest arguments are when I fall out with meself.

So I was positively amazed when I recently picked up and read me way through Martin Amis's  "The War Against Cliche". That there was no significant urge to immolate me moleskin pants in turps and flamethrower them out a gully trap with a Brinsley Schwarz CD only came as a suprise three quarters through it. I thought significant old age must have mellowed me blind. I took me pulse just in case but grudgingly had to accept-summat big had shifted. So a few weeks ago I stood in a queue at Elizabeth's of Newtown, Sydney, purveyor of old books, and counted out me pennies for Huraki Murakami's "Underground:The Tokyo Gas Attack and the Japanese Psyche" and a slim volume by Mr Amis called the "The Second Plane'.

Undoing the bio-organic, gluten free string and smoothing back the the bleached brown paper-wrapping (made from pulped Amis novels) I picked up and tenderly sniffed the slightly frayed, as pictured book previously owned by one JPJR McNamara of Cambridge. His one comment written in blue ink (not biro people) was "Horsehit". I guess he hoyed this so far it reached Sydney Australia. Anyhow like Chopin poised above a plate of Nocturnes me fingers descended on the opening pages...

Now it helped that recently, me interest had been piqued by me eyes going square trying to make sense of reading threads to stories in New Matilda (loveable larrikins left of John Lenin). In these some of the threaders (worm brain busters and cumudgins) state as fact that the 11 September 2001 New York/USA attacks (and the later London bombings-as well as numerous events tagged by the lying, toadying Western media) were not the work of Bin Laden/al-Qaeda but a Mossad driven or even a combined Zionist/Big America conspiracy. For sooch believers it is thus: the towers could never have collapsed from the impact of two planes; 19 terrorists could not have hijacked four planes and coordinated an almost perfect action of terrorism; Jewish people working in the Twin Towers area did not front work that day after being texted by Israeli intelligence/consul services or the American Tax Department-take your pick; the evasions evident in the subsequent Wuba driven American investigation such as the "Final Report of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States" which although running to 567 pages is not definitive on what happened, how it could happen. Although having read the bloody thing a number of reasons come to mind including: hapless communication between competing agencies, arse covering on a massive scale, government cuts and increasing anger at the American homeland for its insular and frequently bullying interventions in global conflicts and political changes it did not like or support-might go some way to say why 11 September occurred and as for Tony Blair...a poodle of gargantuan right wing ideology, puffed up like a frill necked lizard with enough toothless suck to strip a pineapple bare-enough said.

So coming up for air at end of "The Second Plane" I think Mr Amis (as with his comrade in rationalism-Mr Hitchens) nails it. There is both (as with Mr Hitchens writin of the time) stuff written in the heat of the event and then following some consideration-further down the line with reflection). In brief, he sees us descending from a time of reason (and the rise of secularism) back to the time of the believer. This is happening across most religions where extremism dominates. He describes the effects of such extreme religious beliefs as good excuses for 'ignorance, reaction and sentimentality." Underpinned by "the desire for the approval of supernatural beings." People whose world view is -It is so because I believe it is so and because I believe this and you don't-you have no value or right to exist and it is my duty to eradicate you-He defines islamist to describe another branch/root of fascism and points out the blindingly obvious-the theological driven war of beliefs between factions who loathe each other as much, if not more then the west/christians. He also identifies the pointlessness of rational discussion where reason is not valued and life (particularly of those branded others) worth even less.

As with Mr Hitchens he sees this as a war against extremism, a fight between those who believe in humanity/human rights/equality including the right of women to stand shoulder to shoulder with men and a small but strong band of ideologues who believe in their, as they see it, God driven right to exterminate, control and reduce the greater majority of the world to their subjugation (slavery). As for the rights of women and children...as long as they exist in a small dark box like existence where they have zero autonomy-even thought is questioned, and a life as defined by men channeling on behalf of the mystery man in the sky, then they can draw breath. Tunnel vision with vicious and brutal consequences as evidenced when you look outside of the areas which interest the west-such as mosques, market places, remote and isolated communities.

Martin Amis rightly refers to this thinking and ideology as 'the cult of death'. Sadly in Australia this has been taken up as a catch cry by one T. Abbott, but bugger all else has taken root in his understanding other than the other great cliche 'the war on terror'. Christopher Hitchens (Love, Poverty & War : After September section 2004) calls it islamist facsism-and sees this as having little difference from fundamentalist christian fascism; fellow believers in there is only one way-their way. We should be wary of sooch ideologies taking a more poisonous hold than they already have in this world. Totalitarian, just another model of jack-boot, it gives nothing of value to the world but takes everything and what ever our individual view on religion the cult of death is not representative of islam. For this reason we should call all forms of extremism for what they are 'fascism' and fight it in this light. For example the 'Reclaim Australia' or 'PEGIDA' and even UKIP, we should oppose them using religious extremism as an excuse to attack the greater islamic community. As Mr Amis puts it the difference between islam and islamist. Might take a bit of thinking by the English Defence League but there is a marked difference.

Lastly, although their are gaps in our knowledge and our governments (the West) who hide things we the people should know-and a lot of bad things. The conspiracy is more who was protected (the Saudis for example), the incompetence of the agencies who love to use their big budgets to spy on us but in real terms-deliver little, learn less and add bugger all value to the lives of the people they are sworn to protect. Response to New Orleans showed the same old incompetence, followed by blaming, cover up and delivering any old head on a plate with an apple in its mouth and a stick of parsley up the jacksy. Just old school hiding shit which makes the mawkish government setting of memorial agendas stick in the craw. Its the rank and file, front line troops, first responders, the victims and the blind lady who sits atop of the Old Bailey who pay the price-our governments/leaders just go on and on, singing hymns, marching in their finery and blasting more lives into smithereens. These attacks occurred-who was at fault were not hijacked, murdered or left with life long illness and trauma.

Like many, or so I expect, I have struggled to follow the logic on such events from the perspective of Noam Chomsky. I concur with Mr Chomsky-that our use of language, context to describe events in the west such as 11 September and I guess the recent attack against Charlie Hebdo is not the same dialogue or response we use to consider a bombing in Khartoum or Kabul. We are hypocritical at naming the faults of others before considering our own and the frightening acceptance of the oxygen we breathe without questioning how it taints us. I respect those who examine the ethics of morality and politics but cannot always agree with their findings or the construct of their hypothesis. For me the equation is simpler and one of which I was raised with and will probably die still holding is all such attacks, where-ever they occur, carried out under what guise, the greater good, apple pie democracy or the sky daddy-are evil. No ideology/cause justifies the price. All of those lives lost in such ways across the planet are exactly that, lives cut short, and with them hopes, dreams, human stories-in short people who no longer breathe amongst us and who are often forgotten, overwhelmed in the sound bite or ideological dispute-the bigger picture in which they do not feature and no longer matter. That is sad and something we should, where we can continue to give witness, so they are not entirely forgotten or trampled on and buried under the dust of history passing.

Reading this small book, you get a sense of history shifting and as all good writers will do, it makes the reader think and question as to what that may mean and what our responsibility may be in changing the course of extremism as it impacts on our lives and communities. We are due a paradigm shift if we mean to go on. Summat we owe our children and the children of the future.

Oh an' that Martin Amis- he's alreet. Fer now.

May 2023: I were saddened, surprisingly so ter hear yon Amis junior had popped his writing hand. At 73, that's still with a bit of life on the bone! And ter go like old mate Hitchens. I took some pleasure in his last novel that were not a novel, pretentious twat!"Inside Story" It were good although Phoebe Phelps were a bit  over drawn - nonetheless there was nourishment to be had. Vale Mr Amis

MAYDAY 3 May 2015 Sydney-A spectacular turnout on an overcast day

Aye well, another year and lift these old knackers* into a truss and set off into Sydney town for another call to arms-the 125 celebration of May Day. It were threatening to be  a wet one and on the telephone tree; ok-nettie thingie (but none of that twitter/Instagram stuff) it was sounding as if there were folk who were not going to risk the drenching to stand present. Then on Tyneside, their march on Saturday only drew 400, that and the 3 zip loss at Leicester had me knickers knotting in a way that would make an onion bawl. Sam (MUA) and meself (CPSU and honorary MSU) joined the shoppers on public transport to Town Hall, moaning as only old unionists can about the rat cunning of the current mob attacking working conditions and how many we (the combined unions) would draw to a Sunday May Day.

Acknowledging the traditional owners and custodians, people
of the land the Cadigal-Wangal and those amongst their ranks who have in the last year have passed on. This was a fine call and the minutes silence a time to remember the set and blood this cause is built upon.








Well, it was like last year where a wide cross section of unions and social action groups were in attendance. And all though some unions were short in numbers (including CPSU), it was made up by the passion pumping through the growing crowd. Old faces, friends and comrades-it is good for the heart to be part of this! So thanks one all who attended and marched: enjoy the photographs:

Mr Donovan selling them red thingies

That young lad knows his Billy Bragg "Power in the Union"

Watch for zero hour contracts

MUA Here to stay!

The kids from Socialist Alternative-bless 'em

Not to mention being pissed upon by Hockey et al

MUA out in force

The oldies still heed the call!

*Knackers as in the awld Geordie meenin of that woord: "Two flat pieces of stone, or hard wood charred at the ends and used as castanets."

Reclaim Australia...or people standing about in the rain in Sydney draped in Australian Flags

"The Reclaim Australia group said its rallies are a public response to Islamic extremism and a protest against minority groups who want to change the Australian cultural identity." from the ABC
It was with a sinking feeling I trudged through the rain to Martin Place to see what it is I could learn about "Reclaim Australia".  The wife packed me snap box and told me not to get meself thumped or drowned if the rain didn't stop. When PEGIDA (Patriotic Europeans Against the Islamisation of the West-born in Dresden, Germany-run by an idiot who had to stand down for his love of looking like one A Hitler) marched in Newcastle upon Tyne in February this year, their 400 was met with a counter protest of 2000 with the slogan "Not in my town. No to racism, no to fascism and no to anti-islam." It was not the success PEGIDA had hoped for. Of course the Toon were at home to AVilla on the same afternoon. It could have been much worse given a good chunk of the Toon team are muslims from all over the planet and heroes one and all in Geordieland. At the time I thought na, it (PEGIDA) would never get its leg over here in Sydney and if it did we would have the numbers to launch a similar counter protest in opposition.

It was a day of like events taking place around the land so there was a chance that by 6.30 news-Australia would be reclaimed but from what I wondered? Too much Tony Abbott, the Australian Cricket team's ongoing drinking Binge? Last time I saw Australia it was somewhere west of New Zealand, it still circled around the sun and there was a run on prawns for Easter. In other words, when I last looked it had not fallen to Islam, was not living under Sharia Law, nor being run by a cooperative of halal butchers. But, the Reclaim Australia Facebook page was at pains to say they are not racists, the day had nothing to do with racism! But any nazis wishing to attend any of the rallies should leave their swastikas at home. Reading their Facebook site tells me it is a mixed bunch of fellow travellers in this bed.

Watching people arrive around the lone stall and stage at the CBD end of Martin Place I noted the shirts with classy slogans of variations of the 'Love it or Leave it" morphing to "If you don't love Australia...then get the fuck out of here". Nice! There were the flags with the union jack on the corner and southern cross (err...Eureka Stockade mean anything to you mob?), the boxing kangaroo? Ok reclaim the kangaroo. But also an Aboriginal flag. 'Reclaim' Facebook site again sayin' they're not against the indigenous people of the land. But what were they for and against and why?

 

The people looked like they had set out for a slightly weirder Australian Day celebration. The guy in his cute jammies which on closer look were a patterning of little Australian flags. The 'officials'  table by the stage had slogans such as "Reclaim tolerance of our ways", "Reclaim food free of Halal" "Reclaim our laws, our ways, our nation." Oh dear. Did we ever have tolerance of our ways or anybody ways. And what about additives, gluten free, kosher, organic and processed foods-shouldn't we be reclaiming something about them?  There was the bloke with his sign held proudly up saying "Australian law, not sharia" but in small letters "say no to halal certification." Then there was a clown called Greg in his yellow Wallabies shirt with a sign saying "Sharia Law=pedophilia, rapist, racism" and then in red letters "God save us". Another person's sign read "Islam=brainwashed political cult not a religion". And then "Protect Penrith-Say no to Mosques". Calls to "Assimilate" and "Assimilate or leave". This was not anti extremist-this was anti-islam. Beware of low flying mosques in Penrith!

I am sure Peter Garrett and Midnight Oil would have been ecstatic to find their song "Beds are Burning" being used to fire up the crowd. Likewise did the crowd hear "The time has come, A fact's a fact, It belongs to them, Let's give it back". I hope I am not reading too much into it Mr Garrett by understanding the 'it' is the land, the 'them' the indigenous people. So I imagine a few hundred house deeds were passed over this weekend by 'grateful patriots' attending this rally. Then even more doin me head in was Men At Work's "Down Under" where "Women glow and men plunder". Please, is this what we are reclaiming? Followed by a rousing (but not Rolf Harris version) of Waltzing Matilda. People it is about a swagman, who from hunger steals a sheep, is chased by the police and drowns trying to escape. Of course all 200 attendees sang through the first verse of the national anthem but were a bit timid about the second verse. I guess that too comes with being a patriot.

I was standing in front of a line of police (who outnumbered the RA attendees) with a Lebanese friend and a group of young people dressed in black who I did not think were there to support the Reclaim Australia fraternity. And the police seemed to share that view because we were hedged in like foxes on a hunt.


There was a brief acknowledgment of the people of the land before the first speaker who called hiself a 'super patriot'-not racist you understand, just concerned about his country and his way of life. He listed the long list of Islamic influenced terrorist attacks in Australia, known and foiled, but left out the one in Broken Hill by the Afghani camel driver. It seemed from listening to Mr Australia super patriot speaker (and according to New Matilda commentators ex Australia Defence League) the logic is islam=mosques=hot beds of terror=introduction of sharia law across Australia= terrorism= unAustralian=loss of team Australia. My friend wondered if therefore all muslims are suspect because they either don't speak out and condemn aspects of islam or if they do speak, they don't say it like us (the white folk) or reassure us they are nice people who take tea at three etc. He further wondered whether these people (RA) are as lusty in their condemnation of the nastier parts of the bible. My friend has lived in Australia all his life. Is he not an Australian because he is muslim?

It was about then some of the young people in black slipped into the crowd and heckled the speaker and stage. The police action was swift as was the dobbing by the yellow jacketed protest marshals. They were directing the police to remove people they thought were not 'one of them'. Standing in front of me were two twats supporting the English Defence League (google)-go figure.

The reasoning by the police was the Reclaim Australia people had done the paper work for their protest. They were entitled to exercise freedom of speech and although there were people there inciting racial hatred, it was (us) the counter demonstrators stirring the pot. If me and my Lebanese friend said owt, we too would be evicted. We stood silent for awhile as more speakers seemed to be shrill with how islam, islamists, halal butchers and a whole range of other dodgy people where English was not their first language was bent on dragging Australia down onto its knees, flag, anthem and all. It was fair pissing down and having' had enough of being pissed on right and centre we decided we'd seen enough, but left with a bad taste about what this movement represents.

This was not about a greater Australian cultural identity but a narrow identity that is no longer relevant, the White Australia Policy. As Mr Dylan once put it "The times they have a changed" and we are a country now of many migrants, all living on land that was not ours. We cannot go backward but we can move forward and create a more inclusive and rich in cultural identity country. We owe that to future generations. These rallies, on this offering do not offer this aim or dream.

Think of the woman on television the night before who attacked her black African neighbours because their children played too loudly. Her words: "I'm sick of being a minority in my own country". She (white) is not a minority but others within our society, including the indigenous people, are. The reclaim is a false premise. A return to what? White Australia. A country stolen from its indigenous people. Then settled by waves of migrants wanting a better life. And for my Lebanese friend who does not condone terrorism in the name of islam, it is a better life than he had in Lebanon where he was under siege, where he lost family land to colonialism. He told me in his village the different sects and religions got along. People tend to when they have shared goals, a vision of belonging. Is that not something to achieve? It won't happen by assimilation, it won't happen by banning halal certification or destroying passports of those seduced by warlords to be cannon fodder. Yes, there are problems with global terrorism and the spread of it to Australia. But does this rally even begin to address why this is. Were they standing up to fascism or imposing their own? It is a close the doors, batten the hatches, send the boats back solution. It is not constructive or reasoned or effective as a solution.

Like Pegida, this protest is about old fashioned fascism and racism. Whether all of those attending knew it-these are their bed fellows they are snuggling up against. UKIP on steroids. So what emerges is "One Law, One People, One Nation"-where and how often have we heard that. Keep Australia White, why else did the Brisbane rally have one Pauline Hanson as a speaker. I am not religious and believe fundamentalism is destructive because it is anti-humanity and we should all challenge fundamentalism when it erodes the rights of children, women and other beliefs and values. But this rally was not about that. It was anti all islam and I believe at root, about creating 'the other' as a scapegoat. If they could just be all like me, what a wonderful world this would be! See the contradictions in islam but also in our own world view. Hypocrisy is just that, a double standard.

My disappointment? The numbers in the Sydney counter march (good on ya Melbourne!). I know it was wet, but standing against fascism when ever it stirs is something we should commit to. Where were the breadth of unions to protest against this blot? Again it was left to Socialist Alliance and the anarchists to keep faith and protest. And for the ten or so who stood in the middle of the crowd and were ejected for practising their freedom of speech to call it racism-all power to you comrades. Likewise the women who took over the stage. And to my Lebanese friend who asked me if all white people think like this...I sincerely hope not.

Nice jim jams, very patriotic

See below

Yo Greg! Great hat, dumb slogans mate!

See 4 April 2015 New Matilda (newmatilda.com) article about the great Australian patriot's struggle with indigenous issues titled 'Aboriginals Are Dickheads': Reclaiming Australia, One Racist Video Rant At A Time

Postscript: Bill Shorten again misses the point-hate speech, as in the speakers for Reclaim Australia, is violence dressed as freedom of speech, but lets get the poison stated out in the open. He should have asked the police why was it wrong for people to heckle the speakers and verbally question the beliefs expressed by people at this rally. 

Are you thirsty Shane? Winning at cricket is such thirsty work boys you deserve a quiet drink*

The Dutch cricket team after celebrating their world cup win...

So Australia won the 50 over tonk world cup against either an overawed or unfocused New Zealand, but nonetheless, a team that had put South Africa to the sword with a six of the penultimate ball and in what was a high scoring and entertaining game. Who was not touched by Grant Elliott, the scorer of the six, then consoling Dale Steyn the bowler rather than indulging in over the top celebrations. But in the final Mitch Starc's brilliant bowling, coupled to the aggression that comes naturally to most Australians when confronting sport and an undernourished opposition; obliterated NZ, the only team to beat Australia in awhile. The revenge was like watching a pelican filleting fish-one gulp and the Kiwis were left a smear of grease, oil and small bones on the carpet of the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The only blight on the night, the unwarranted send offs by Haddin and co including of the graceful Elliott, one of the few Black Caps to perform on the night. As Fitz (see below) aptly described it, an act of collective "fuckwitism" by a team that had no need to be, well, so crass.

Haddin's subtle approach to the sledge

Oh and then there was one Shane Warne's commentary, a one man crusader for boofheadism. Now Shane Warne is without doubt a remarkable cricketer. In retirement he has launched a career as a Botoxed lothario; a cricket pundit man about town who thinks he still one of the lads and lads being the era when drinking, shagging and smoking were the everyday existence of the professional cricketer. Think Philip Tufnell, mate him with Merv Hughes, spray him with Lynx and let 'em loose!
As a commentator he is content to talk bollocks and then some. If that was not enough suffering for those living over in the land of the grey dreary cloud, somebody had the bright spark to let him loose to do the post game interviews on the field. "Are you going to have a bit of a drink?" (Which bit might that be Shane? )"Are you going to get thirsty?" Bloody hell, maybe he still wears a jock strap and it was giving him a bit of gip! "And then just in case we didn't get it-any criticism was to be slam dunked by the #thirsty. I know, as stated earlier, once the greatest bowler, the man now speaks only the profoundest bollocks, most of what he said during the game meets the criteria for being gormless but ICC check the man's brewery shares. It was an obscene obsession by someone giving all the appearance of a recovering alcoholic in a gin factory. It was all about a return to the manly rituals of yore. Get bladdered, stagger into the following days reception looking like junior mafioso on day release from the convent and call it a responsible response to a great win. You deserve a quiet drink mates! Are you Feeling thirsty Haddin or just dirty?

Boys it may have escaped you, being professional sportsman and all there is a problem in Australia (and New Zealand) with binge drinking! The need to drown every celebration (and excuse for celebration) in excessive amounts of turps. And who do you think cricket is pitched at? OK apart from the sponsors. Its our juniors. What did they learn? Responsible drinking? Did they heck! Shame on you lads and Brad Haddin for his return to crap sledging with all the subtlety of standing in a dog turd. What you are promoting is up and down the land kids should be encouraged to identify anyone who is too nice then give them a send off. Black Caps, you get my vote for the dignity you displayed. Overawed, perhaps. Outplayed, most definitely. But winners of the hearts and minds of the young who want to believe that being professional is well, acting responsibly. Hard call I know for the green and gold, but Lehmann and Co, you might want to give it a try.

Shane Warne Channel Boof commentator

As for Warney, keep your day job as a gigolo for hire because like Mike Gatting you left me looking at me uprooted stumps thinking how the hell did they let you anywhere near the commentary box and by your response to people finding what you said dumb and offensive-you have the insight of a gnat. Oops, sorry the gnat said they get it. Guess your on your own Shane on this one.

Thank you Peter Fitz for raising this in your Saturday 'The Fitz Files'. The headline of "The good, the Brad and the ugly" sums up a bleak moment in what was an otherwise entertaining and mostly good spirited competition.


With thanks to the Breughel family and Mr Goya: cricket fans one and all.

*A quiet drink means to drink yourself to a standstill in a manly way. As practised by some rugby league players it can involve urinal gymnastics, golden shower drinks and a lot of bad time on social media.

POSTSCRIPT: 26 February 2017: Following the mighty Australian victory in the first test against India in Pune. No sooner than the words were outta Mr Warne's mouth implying tha he wood ha rather picked an ashtray to spin rather than Steve O'Keefe. Boof Warne had his foot in his mouth commentatin' on this un! Mr O'Keefe aged 32 year old span India out of both innings (so no fluke then Shane?)-were it 12 wickets for 70 runs like? Come ci come sa, like 'The Donald, Mr Warne might like to eat his own undershorts as an adequate apology?