The Dingos are circling...the wombat is howling at the moon and Bill Shorten is left standing in his underwear...

Freedom of speech is dead and alive* and drifting south of Tasmania in a fishbowl...wave it goodbye

A circling dingo...copyright NLP

Just when you think there is nothing left to scrape off the bottom of the boot of life another low is reached and with such ease it would leave a deep sea diver breathless...a frigging cold winter's week in June when all decent folk are out gathering fuel or running down the grid with hotties and knitting bed socks, the Nat Libs go on their break (from what you might ask-need rehydrating from constant attacks of diarrhoea?). Having exhausted themselves with Team Australia's answer to very, very bad, in fact very evil black flagged Labor supporting terrorists inhabiting lands far, far away. And who are infiltrating the very bastions of the Australian way of life, that is second to none. Oh, unless you are aboriginal in which it may cause you die in custody in numbers far greater than though acts of homeland terrorism. But that is, of course, Besides the bloody point Belgo Geordie. Stick to the script lad or we'll sell you to The ABC. Who do you think you are? John Bloody Pilger! OK, so there were the Nat Libs** whining like bandsaws with rusty teeth and listening to it on ABC radio had me chewing me mattress thinking I was in an episode of the sixties TV series "The Prisoner"-yon Patrick McGowan in his turtleneck sweater showing how a man starved of real facts can be driven insane by the very reasonableness of arguments that are steadily stripping the skin off yer scrotum. And when your screaming yourself blind, yer not quite sure how it got to this. Or if you will ever get out of this space!

Ganders for the goose....

Of course I refer to the proposed law changes to strip dual national terrorists of beloved and well not given lightly to just anyone Autralianshipdom! "Sorry is that really large cheque made out to me, my party, my hamster.  Oh thank you, welcome to our red and often drought stricken land Mr Hedge-funding, property developing, mining robber baron from anywhere else in the world! I am sure we can rustle up some school-leavers to work for you for 25 cents an hour-as long as they pay tax, and don't expect to be given a pension-we like scammers not leaners in Oztralia...'sorry, pills wearing off-its that tangy taste of bed springs, and flock and feathers...Natural justice but only for those who can afford to buy it is our motto for these times of privatisation and restructurement.

I repeat..I genuinely understand heads must roll

Then there was the malarkey at the ABC! Well heads must roll said the minister of prime time thought and honorary Telegraph communications minister. Forget not, he also speaks for women or has that portfolio gone to Kevin Andrews who is boycotting Parliament because it is full of lefties spouting rubbish such as "There is a reason we have judges, courts and a legal system". Then if we haven't got the message-to challenge the heads should roll (such a poor metaphor for the subject Tony), then there is Mark Scott-showing a classic pair of my balls are in a mangle and you might be turning the handle but you won't shut me up reminding the great Nat Lib tribe about the true meaning of "freedom of speech and I defend the right for tossers to have their say".

I know, I know, fairs fair*** the Nat Libs won the election on the duckworth-lewis method of counting but they did need reminding-ABC is a public broadcast service, much like public servants are the servants of the public-neither are lackeys of the government and its motley crew of hand wringing hypocrites. Maybe Mr Abbot would like to set up his own media voice piece Abbott spouting Bollocks and Crap-see...ABC.

Sorry Mr Abbott, your legislation will cost heaps of tax payer dough and achieve bugger all than give you sex appeal with red neck constituents who are afraid to find a halal sticker attached to the underside of their beds. And in you attacking the ABC for letting a twerk boy spout rubbish as if it some grave national offence such as treason-after all he didn't suggest flogging Prince Philips ageing and aching, wrinkled jewels. "Keel-haul the blighter! Can't sir! He seems to enjoy it. "Call that a flogging man! Me Ma got more traction with a carpet slipper." (See New Matilda and Mr Graham's article regarding this but reader be warned he (Sir Chris New Lord Graham of Matilda) has a potty mouth aching for contact with a big bar of yellow soap). So the episode and response to it, a big nothing in the bottom of a yawning tea cup of zilch Mr Abbott...sticks and stones and all that, can't your mob not debate and expose him for the tiddler of thought the lad is? Could you not see the halal marijuana leaf on his America (the Beast of Evil) baseball cap-and looking like a boy wanting to pick a scrap with a paper clip? But oh, the political capital gained to justify pissing away money on scrapping passports and collecting meta data to turn into spitfires. Instead of putting it in hospitals, schools and housing (Millers Point forgotten?)
And as for buying a used "Freedom of Speech" from the likes of Peter Dutton. Pleeesssseeee!!!
Rather wipe me bum with Bronwyn Bishop's socks. The Nat Libs think freedom of speech is what happens when George Brandis opens his gob, alas lads and the occasional lassie! It is only dental decay from one too many enemas. Piles of the brain! Nothing to be gained from examining such emissions. And in case Tone you don't know who your natural bedfellows are The United Patriots Front camped out the front of the ABC in Melbourne today and said  "In here [the ABC] public opinion is shaped artificially. It's not democratic. It's not Australian". Then what the fuck (copyright Chris Graham: New Matilda) is it? Martian?

Not these two lads, not even with a used beanie

So being under the quacks orders not to cack me britches along comes Bill Shorten! Now Bill, may I call you that because apparently according to the gospel of the first dog on the moon**** you signed one of those making it a crime against the nation to report on the sexual abuse of children in detention. Do you not hear the very large bat wings of a future commission of enquiry coming your way. Forget Abbot's Noddy Shoddy dealings in Toytown commission into corrupt and depraved goings on within the trade union. That's a sham. This one will be the real deal with uncomfortable questions about how you can sleep at night. No, for the shame of being Labor you have signed summat that'll do unprotected kiddies real harm and under secrecy-don't want to upset Telegraph readers, or say what we mean. They are boat people, gatecrashers to the great Australian party, and well, they're not our kind of white and we don't care because in fortress Australia we can lock away a conscience and roll any head that might possess one.

Collect meta data and cancel passports...

Oh well, back to sleepy hollows, nurse is calling and she has a big jar of fig juice and a bicycle pump. Eee, it's a bugger getting old.....

* if you believe Dutton, Brandis only the Nat Libs stand between us and Antartica in defending the values of free speech-defined as my right to have everything I say agreed with and anything I don't like stripped of its citizenship and sent far, far away, banished from our good, decent and fair society.
** Mr Albanese or Albo likes to refer to them as Tories, I think they have sunk beneath that stain Mr Albanese.
*** Wayus Australianess to give a bloke a fair chop of the sav when his daks are down.
****Grauniad Australia-where all the simpering lefties get their moral fibre restrung.